Friday, December 23, 2016

Happy Festivus!

Break out the unadorned aluminum pole, it's time to celebrate Festivus! I'm a big fan of winter holidays, and this is a particularly silly one. It's a rejection of the holiday consumerism that pervades the month of December, and gets right to the heart of family get-togethers. That's right, I'm talking about the Airing of Grievances. Let's take a moment to talk about the ways in which companies have disappointed The Dog Geek over the last year.
Feats of Strength!

Kong, your Squeezz Crackle ball couldn't handle being squeezed and crackled.

Petsmart, your Puppies backwards-R Us treat spinner couldn't handle even a tiny amount of regular dog play.

Zack & Zoey, you turned out to be a regular Pet Edge brand, and not some adorably personable company with a charming backstory.

Loot Pets, you totally abandoned your geeky premise and sent us a regular dog-themed subscription box. There are tons of regular dog-themed subscription boxes out there, I got yours purely for the geekery. You got rid of the geekery slowly, sending regular toys instead of geeky toys, and fewer items in every box, until your finally abandoned the concept altogether, and that's when you lost a customer. It was a fun six months though, and those first few crates were awesome. The pet shirts never fit right though, you must all have super wide pug-shaped dogs or something.

Sileo, you did nothing for Ranger's fireworks fear. I think we're going camping for New Year's just to get away from the possible fireworks noise.

Company of Animals, your Pet Corrector needs to come with instructions about using it in the vicinity of other pets. It has a very non-specific, area-wide effect, so it "corrects" basically every single dog in agility class when some clueless student chooses to use it for their dog's leash reactivity.

Outward Hound, your dog backpack was awkward and uncomfortable and felt ridiculously cheap and flimsy. Like, I understand making things for a certain price point, but that felt like some serious dollar store shit.

Reviews.com...your research sucks. Bigtime.

Chuckit, your Floppy Tug was surprisingly non-durable.

Zukes, your Power Bones treats show a distinct lack of knowledge about the canine metabolism. I expected better of you.

Thank you for joining me for this little wallow in negativity. the Dog Geek will be back to the usual upbeat outlook following the Feats of Strength.

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