Happy Festivus!

Break out the unadorned aluminum pole, it's time to celebrate Festivus! I'm a big fan of winter holidays, and this is a particularly silly one. It's a rejection of the holiday consumerism that pervades the month of December, and gets right to the heart of family get-togethers. That's right, I'm talking about the Airing of Grievances. Let's take a moment to talk about the ways in which companies have disappointed The Dog Geek over the last year.

Feats of Strength!

Kong, your Squeezz Crackle ball couldn't handle being squeezed and crackled.

Petsmart, your Puppies backwards-R Us treat spinner couldn't handle even a tiny amount of regular dog play.

Zack & Zoey, you turned out to be a regular Pet Edge brand, and not some adorably personable company with a charming backstory.

Loot Pets, you totally abandoned your geeky premise and sent us a regular dog-themed subscription box. There are tons of regular dog-themed subscription boxes out there, I got yours purely for the geekery. You got rid of the geekery slowly, sending regular toys instead of geeky toys, and fewer items in every box, until your finally abandoned the concept altogether, and that's when you lost a customer. It was a fun six months though, and those first few crates were awesome. The pet shirts never fit right though, you must all have super wide pug-shaped dogs or something.

Sileo, you did nothing for Ranger's fireworks fear. I think we're going camping for New Year's just to get away from the possible fireworks noise.

Company of Animals, your Pet Corrector needs to come with instructions about using it in the vicinity of other pets. It has a very non-specific, area-wide effect, so it "corrects" basically every single dog in agility class when some clueless student chooses to use it for their dog's leash reactivity.

Outward Hound, your dog backpack was awkward and uncomfortable and felt ridiculously cheap and flimsy. Like, I understand making things for a certain price point, but that felt like some serious dollar store shit.

Reviews.com...your research sucks. Bigtime.

Chuckit, your Floppy Tug was surprisingly non-durable.

Zukes, your Power Bones treats show a distinct lack of knowledge about the canine metabolism. I expected better of you.

Thank you for joining me for this little wallow in negativity. the Dog Geek will be back to the usual upbeat outlook following the Feats of Strength.

Stuff We Destroyed: November Edition

Brisbane wasn't much of a toy destroyer, he had some toys for more than a decade without demolishing them. Godzilla also tend to be easy on most of her toys. Zip, on the other hand, likes to chew stuff up. Yay! I finally get to test how durable our toys are! She's certainly not a power chewer, but she does occasionally decide to give something a good gnaw. Here's the most recent casualties:

Holee Roller by PetMate

I bought the girls a second JW Holee Roller so they could each have an Unstuffaball. Somebody got a little carried away liberating the fleece strips from the toy.

Kong Tuff 'N Lite Pig

Sisci Godzilla filled the pink pig with holes, but Zip is the one that chewed the face and feet off the pink pig. She loves ripping chunks off it. I didn't expect it to be totally hollow, but there was nothing inside. Except maybe dignity. 

Kong Squeezz Crackle Ball

Like so many reviewers before me, I found that our Kong Crackle Ball split at the seam just from regular play. This toy wasn't gnawed into oblivion, it was just fetched to death. I did get to see how it worked though, inside the purple ball was a clear rubber ball, and inside that was a piece of clear plastic like you might find holding a brand new action figure onto a cardboard back card. The result was a very firm and very crackley ball that was, it seems, entirely too much fun to chomp.

Outward Hound Splash Disc

This is one of those water toys that my dogs feel compelled to shred for some reason. I was keeping it out of reach until we could take it somewhere to play in the water, but it was all for naught. They really just wanted to demolish it on land or sea. There's just something about that neoprene bathing suit material that they can't resist.

Hyperflite Jawz Pup Disc

Hyperflite makes their Jawz discs for those dogs that tend to puncture everything in their enthusiasm. These are really seriously tough discs. They are not, however, tough enough to handle being pilfered from the disc bag for a good gnaw. I'm just glad Zip likes discs this much.

So that's what we killed this month. Toys that are getting a lot of playtime and handling it well so far include the Wox, both Jolly Balls, and an antler I bought for Brisbane in 2009.

Product Review: Outward Hound Splash Disc

The Outward Hound Splash Disc is a floating water toy designed for interactive play. It has a soft foam core and is easy on mouths. Yes I know this is technically a summertime toy, but it's 95 degrees in southern California and seasons are things that happen to other people.

Photo by Erin Koski

As far as I can tell, there are two kinds of water toys. The first kind is covered in stretchy swimsuit fabric that my dogs feel compelled to shred as quickly as possible. The second kind is usually rubber or something durable that doesn't shriek "DESTROOOOOOOOY ME!!!!!" in a pitch only dogs can hear. The Splash Disc is the first kind.

It's squishy, it's soft, it won't cut your dog's mouth if they catch it on a really hard throw. It floats, it's brightly colored, and it's easy to spot in the water. My dogs don't care. As much as they love catching, fetching, and swimming, all of those activities took a backseat because the frisbee had to die. I assume that this isn't an issue common to all dogs, otherwise toy companies wouldn't keep making fabric water toys, right?

Pros: Soft, safe, and it floats. Easy to spot in the water.

Cons: Not very durable, not for pavement or playing tug. Unusually shreddable.

Bottom Line: It's great for the beach, lake, or pool if your dog just wants to play fetch. Not so great if you have to convince them not to destroy it as fast as they possibly can.

Product Review: Outward Hound Daypack

I'm going to be honest here, I got this Outward Hound Daypack for Sisci so I could put my phone it it and let her hatch Pokemon eggs in it for me.It has the all-important strap between the front legs to prevent it from rotating around her body, plus a handle on top and a second strap further back to help lift her over obstacles. With expandable pockets and a breathable harness, what's not to love? This comes in three sizes for dogs 15-32" around the chest.

Photo by Erin Koski

The small Outward Hound daypack is listed as fitting dogs up to 30 lbs and 20" around the chest, while the medium fits dogs over 30 lbs and greater than 20" around. Sisci weighs 28 lbs and measures 22" around the chest so I bought the medium.

Admittedly, I bought this because my Ruffwear Palisades pack is in storage, and I wanted a dog backpack quick and cheap. Unfortunately, Outward Hound exceeded my expectation of low-quality and sent me something so flimsy I'm surprised it survived being adjusted and tried on for fit.

The straps are made out of very coarse and loose nylon webbing. This construction pretty much guarantees that the weave is going to warp, run, or tear as soon as they catch one of those big loose threads on anything. I ended up pulling a big unsightly loop out of one just catching it slightly with the velcro used to keep the strap ends from flapping.

Adjusting the daypack wasn't easy, It's not really made to fit my dog. I had to make the neck strap as tight as possible to keep it from sliding down onto her shoulders. This made it very bulky with nowhere to tuck the loose end. Even though Sisci is at the very bottom of the measurement for this pack, the strap between her front legs wasn't long enough. With the neck and front chest piece sitting in the proper place, this center strap pulled the one behind her legs into her armpits. I am absolutely certain that the lump bumpy straps would have chafed her horribly had I left it on.

Pros: Inexpensive, this is just about the cheapest dog pack on the market. Stability, obviously modeled after the Ruffwear Approach pack built on the Webmaster harness, this pack is not going to rotate or slide to the side

Cons: Very poor material quality. Lack of durability, there are lots of reports of the pack ripping in various places with minimal use. Looks uncomfortable for wearing for extended periods.

Bottom Line: I put this on Sisci and she refused to walk. She has been endlessly patient with me dressing her in all sorts of silly things, so I took that as a sign. Flimsy, cheap construction and my dog hates it? Returned.

Product Review: Outward Hound Thermovest

One of Outward Hound's product line from this past winter, the Thermovest is part harness, part toasty warmth. This is more than just insulation, the vest actually reflects heat like a space blanket, thanks to its reflective interior lining. Currently on clearance, the Thermovest is available in five sizes to fit dogs with chests up to 41" around.

Photo by Erin Koski

This is a weird product. It's shaped a lot like a Ruffwear Webmaster harness, but the inside is all shiny. There's a handle on the top, and little pockets on the side. Very little pockets, in the case of our extra small vest. I could maybe fit one poo bag in there.

The sizing seems a bit off, this one is described as fitting dogs 5-15 pounds, but it is definitely too big and long for 6.5 pound Ru. Also the rear strap covers his junk. It's a fairly supportive harness, it just doesn't adjust down far enough for a super tiny dog.

Sorry Outward Hound, but my experience with dog gear has led me to associate your brand with cheap stuff. The Thermovest is no exception, the straps feel flimsy and the adjustments feel loose. I'm not sure I would trust this thing to stay on an actual dog-sized dog without loosening up enough to allow escape. The design should be escape-proof in theory, but in practice I wouldn't trust this at all. Apparently it is also prone to coming unstitched around the leash if your dog pulls a lot, so I would really classify this as clothing no matter how much it looks like a sturdy and secure dog harness.

Does it work? My Reynaud's-suffering friend (who is also my dog-treat-tasting enabler) said it did make her body feel warmer wherever she touched it. It's sort of a slow warmth though, it just reflects your own heat back. I wore it on my head for a while and it did eventually warm up, so I believe the actual technology to be sound.

Pros: Provides warmth without restricting movement. Very adjustable, fits a wide range of dogs at every size. Convenient handle for lifting bitty dogs. Supportive design includes rear strap that sits behind ribcage.

Cons: Quality is lacking, as is durability. May fall apart with regular use. Sizes run large.

Bottom Line: I bought this for $9 at Ross to see if it would work for Ru, but he doesn't produce a ton of body heat on his own and it's too big anyway. I'm interested to see what Outward Hound rolls out with this coming winter.

Product Review: Outward Hound PoochPouch Sling

The Outward Hound PoochPouch Sling is a cross-body bag for your small dog, cat, ferret, chicken, bearded dragon, or whatever else you'd like to keep right at your hip. The pouch measures 23" long, 13" wide, and 3" tall. It has a harness clip inside, as well as a buckle across the  middle to keep the long sides from flopping open. The shoulder strap is adjustable and has a quick-release buckle. My PoochPouch Sling is black, I've also seen them in blue.

Photo by Erin Koski

This is a very basic, utilitarian dog-holder that I find to be neither stylish, nor terribly functional. The bottom is not rigid at all, so the dog has no secure place to rest their feet. The pouch is long and shallow, and even with the gathered sides it's a bit difficult to keep Ru from flopping out. The chunk plastic harness clip is too big for the hardware on a lot of toy breed gear.

That said, it's better than nothing. If public transport rules require you to carry your pet in a bag, this will do. It's quite a long pouch, I can even fit 30 lb. Sisci in it with some effort.

Pros: Fits larger-size pets than most carriers. Wide shoulder strap distributes pressure. Basic black no-frills sling does not attract attention to the fact that you're schlepping something alive.

Cons: Requires a fair amount of cooperation on the part of the occupant. Low sides and floppy construction mean I don't feel safe using this as a hands-free dog carrier.

Bottom Line: I can see this carrier being useful to someone, somewhere. I already have entirely too many Ru-holders, however, so will be passing this along.

Puzzle Toy Review: Outward Hound Whirli Treat

The Outward Hound Whirli Treat is a poorly designed puzzle toy that consists of a ball with holes in it, and a stand. Theoretically the stand holds the ball so that it can roll in place, making the puzzle slightly more difficult to solve. In reality the ball falls off the stand the moment anyone touches it or breathes near it. It's really quite difficult to get it to spin on the stand without knocking it off, and the dogs don't seem to realize that this is how it's supposed to work. There are two large holes in the ball, and nothing else to keep the food from pouring out immediately. Seriously, I doubt the designers of this toy ever actually tested it with a real live dog. This is supposed to be a level 2 difficulty puzzle, and like the Tic Tac Twirl it is another that ejects all the food immediately when nudged.

Photo by Erin Koski

Puzzle Toy Review

Capacity: 4/5

I can fit at least a cup of food in here, and it will take slightly longer to empty than a bowl.

Loading Speed: 3/5

A soda funnel works pretty well.

Unloading Speed (standard dog): 1/5

There is literally nothing stopping the kibble from just pouring out.

Unloading Speed (superdog): 1/5

Mere seconds.

Size: 1/5

Even Ru can't use this thing without knocking it off the stand, so I have no idea what size dog it is supposed to be for.

Photo by Erin Koski

Durability: 1/5

The two parts separate instantly when touched. Maybe the rest will stay together. I have to say that the Kyjen toys we have seem very sturdy while the Outward Hound-branded ones are much more glossy and flimsy. I don't like the new color scheme, either.

Noise: 2/5

It's a hard plastic ball, rolling unfettered across my hardwood floors. The only saving grace is that the dogs empty it instantly and then ignore it.

Locatability: 2/5

It's a hard plastic ball rolling unfettered across...well, you get it.

Washability: 2/5

The ball doesn't open up, but the holes are big enough to stick a bottle brush through.

Versatility: 1/5

Rolling the ball on the stand is difficult, I can't imagine any kind of animal that would attempt to use this toy as intended rather than letting it roll off the stand and dump food everywhere.

Total: 18/50

Product Review: Outward Hound Lil' Rippers Rhino

Outward Hound's Lil' Rippers are durable stuffed toys with a removable shell. Dogs can get their stuffy-shredding urges out by ripping off the squeaker-filled shell, which can also be tossed like a flying disc. Ours is a rhinoceros, there is also a warthog and a turtle, which is an animal that actually has a shell. I have no idea why there is a rhino and a warthog in this collection.

Photo by Erin Koski

I like the idea of toys that can be disassembled without being destroyed. We had a few in Brisbane's younger days, mostly made by Kyjen. As Kyjen has changed their name to Outward Hound, this is basically by the same company.

We started selling these toys at work a while back, and the ones in our first shipment were much bigger than this. Those may have been under the Kyjen Plush Puppies brand. When the first Lil' Ripper of this size showed up, I couldn't resist buying it.

Photo by Erin Koski

I brought home the Ripper rhino when I was watching two of Sisci's brothers for a week. They thoroughly enjoyed the toy, but somebody chewed the tip of the horn off almost immediately.

Both halves of the toy get a lot of love around here. The shell is basically a squeaker mat, and that's hard to resist. Sisci makes sure that the two parts are never joined for long. After three months and four puppies, there is now a hole in one ear, and some fraying along the edge of the shell.

Photo by Erin Koski

Pros: Pretty durable as far as stuffies go, can stand up to multiple puppies at once as long as nobody deliberately intends to destroy it. Ours even spent a few days outside in the dirt and still cleaned up nicely.

Cons: Unlike real turtles, it doesn't take much work to separate the shell from the rest of it. (Fact: A turtle removed from its shell would look a bit like you removed from your ribcage.)

Bottom Line: Having no horns or ears, the turtle is probably the sturdiest of the three Lil' Rippers. Also, rhinos and warthogs don't have shells.

Product Review: Kyjen Slo-Bowl Fun Feeder

Kyjen's Slo-Bowls are designed to make dogs eat as slowly as possible. These Fun Feeders each have a raised pattern that basically turns them into a maze. Dogs can't really inhale their kibble using one of these bowls, instead they have to carefully work individual pieces out with their tongues, pushing them through the maze until they get each piece to a spot where they can pick it up. The bowls come in multiple colors and patterns, and two different sizes for large and small dogs.

Photo by Erin Koski

Eating too fast can be a huge problems for a lot of dogs. At worst, they eat so fast they just barf their food back up right away. At worst, they can develop bloat. This is a condition where a gas-filled stomach twists, cutting off the blood supply to all sorts of body systems. Bloat is a medical emergency, and even recognizing it and getting help immediately may not be enough to save the animal. It is most common in large dogs, particularly deep-chested ones like Great Danes. Preventing the dog's stomach from getting too full of food, air, or water seems to help a lot.

Slowing down a fast eater can also help prevent bloat, dogs that inhale their food also inhale a lot of air at the same time. Spending time and effort to eat a meal also helps a dog expend some mental energy. That is the purpose of our many puzzle toys, and it's also the purpose of the Slo-Bowl.

As a side note, Outward Hound was formerly a sub-brand of Kyjen. The company has apparently decided to rebrand everything as Outward Hound only. This is unfortunate, as I had long associated Kyjen with high-quality puzzle toys and games, and Outward Hound with low-quality pet carriers, travel bowls, and other products that often seemed like they were designed by people who would never use them. A lot of their stuff reminds me of Ruffwear gear, only cheaper and without the quality or guarantee. Outward Hound's current "About Us" page has a lot to say about them being a new company designed to improve the lives of dogs and their people. In reality the brand has been around since the 1990's, and their products have dominated the travel section of big box pet stores for a good chunk of that time. Outward Houd/Kyjen was acquired by the Riverside Company in 2013. They also acquired the Bionic company in January of this year, and Nina Ottoson's puzzle toys last month.

So the Kyjen Slo-Bowl has been rebranded as the Outward Hound Fun Feeder. This seemed to coincide with them changing all the brightly-colored bowls to be the same weird greenish-gray hue for a while. Happily they've changed them back. Unhappily, the Hills bowl shape doesn't seem to have been included in the Outward Hound line. Ours is the bright pink flower shape.

Pros: Brightly-colored and highly durable. Has a no-slip rubber bottom and is top-rack dishwasher safe. Really seriously slows down rushed eaters, even with tiny amounts of food. When I had a total of five dogs here for a week, the Slo-Bowl turned my fastest eater into the slowest. Works with kibble, canned, raw, freeze-dried, and basically any kind of food.

Cons: Is exactly as obnoxious to clean as it looks. If the dog doesn't clean every last molecule of wet food out of the bowl, I have to use three different-shaped scrubbing tools to get it clean. Really-determined food-inhalers at work have been known to flip the bowl over, or even throw it against a wall the reduce the challenge.

Bottom Line: My dogs mostly only eat things like pumpkin and salmon oil out of bowls, but when I'm feeding kibble I sometimes put Brisbane's in this instead of one of our many puzzle toys. He doesn't seem to mind it, but he doesn't get all excited about it, either. They call it the Fun Feeder, but it's still a dog-thwarting device and the dogs know it.

Does your dog attempt to inhale their food?

Product Review: Outward Hound Poochpouch Dog Carrier

The Outward Hound Poochpouch Front Carrier is like a baby carrier for tiny dogs. It features crossed shoulder straps to help distribute weight, and an interior clip that attaches to the dog's harness to help keep them contained. The Poochpouch comes in two colors and two sizes, small fits dogs up to 10 pounds while the medium fits dogs up to 20 pounds.

Photo by Erin Koski

This is the carrier for dogs who want to be super close. When riding in a sling or a purse at your hip is just too far away for your tiny dog, the Poochpouch is the answer. When a shoulder bag just isn't secure enough, the Poochpouch has you covered. (Note: This is actually still a little too far for Ru, who would prefer a carrier that places him directly under my chin.)

Formerly named the Pet-a-roo, this carrier is styled after those things made for strapping your baby to your body. Outward Hound originally made a version that made the dog ride face-out with all four legs sticking out, that looked even more like a baby carrier. At some point somebody probably realized that suspending a dog from their crotch is going to put an uncomfortable amount of pressure on their spine, and the hard-bottom wearable pet carrier was born. (As it turns out, suspending babies like that is problematic for the same reason. Who knew?)

Photo by Erin Koski

Like most baby carriers, the Poochpouch is a mass of straps. There are two that cross over on your back, and a third that goes around your waist. This makes for a very secure ride, and prevents the pouch from swinging away from your body when you lean over. I've heard of people using the Poochpouch for a motorcycle dog carrier.

Ours is a size small, and I like the lower profile. Some of the earlier front pack carriers had a huge bib at the front that was basically the length of my torso and positioned the pet down at waist level.

An obvious potential issue I can see with this carrier is that it is not designed for larger people. I am an average-sized woman and you can see that I have the straps adjusted fairly close to their maximum length. The waist strap will fit up to a 50" waist, but could probably be modified to fit someone bigger with some extra strapping and buckle. Keep in mind that the carrier will also fit differently on different body shapes. My husband can wear the carrier with no adjustment to the shoulder straps, but it sits much higher on his chest. Also, he complains the entire time I am strapping a small dog to his body.

In addition to the size of the human wearing the Poochpouch, the size of the dog must be taken into consideration. The carriers have maximum pet weights listed, but they also have maximum heights and lengths. Ru is a very long-backed chihuahua, and although he is only six pounds, you can see in the top picture that he is very nearly too tall for the small Poochpouch when he is sitting down. We would probably also do well with the medium size, which would leave enough room for him to lay down or snuggle into a blanket.

Pros: Very securely attached to the human when straps are crossed over. Multiple buckles allow for multiple strap configurations and also allow the human to put on the carrier without being a contortionist. Two shoulder strap design distributed weight much better than single strap carriers and is much more comfortable for extended wear. Positions pet closer to my face that any other carrier I've tried.

Cons: Multiple buckles on multiple straps can make using this carrier difficult for the spatially-challenged. Elastic drawstring at top of pouch seems to be a weak point, with lots of reviewers mentioning it breaking. Pouch security relies partially on pet compliance, and will contain a dog/cat/ferret/possum that really wants to get out. Plastic harness clip may also be a weak point, and could be replaced with a carabiner or other sturdier piece of hardware. Many pets well under the listed maximum weights will exceed the maximum dimensions and be too big.

Bottom Line: This is not a secure carrier for a pet that does not want to be contained. It is not good for holding a wiggly puppy that wants to explore. The drawnstring is there for added comfort and security, not to prevent an unhappy dog from escaping. The inside clip needs to be attached to a harness and not a collar to avoid strangling dogs that decide to jump. Don't take this thing out hiking and expect your dog to adapt to it on the move. Take some time to figure out how to put it on and adjust it properly, and then spend some time lounging on the couch with your tiny dog while you teach them that this is another vehicle for snuggling.

What kind of carrier do you use for your dog?

Product Review: Outward Hound Cooling Bandana

The Outward Hound Cooling Bandana is filled with absorbent gel that is intended to help keep the dog cool. It comes in three sizes for small, medium, and large dogs and closes with velcro.

While the rest of the country is supposedly buried in snow, we're having an 80+ degree heat wave on the beach. Ru never actually needs to be cooled down and rarely pants even in triple-digit weather, so I tested this bandana on myself.

The directions say to soak the bandana in cold water for 15 minutes. I followed the directions and stuck mine in a bowl of cold water, and was shocked to return 15 minutes later to find it bloated and enormous. It weighs more than a pound wet. While the dry Cooling Bandada fits Ru perfectly, I can't imagine putting something this heavy on a dog this tiny.

I have a Hurtta evaporative cooling coat for Brisbane, and had thought that the bandana would work the same way. Obviously the Outward Hound Cooling Bandana doesn't use evaporative cooling, because it is still hugely swollen two days later. It's been hanging up to dry in my kitchen, and I'm afraid to stick it in a drawer because I'm not sure if the gel inside will fully dry before it turns funky.

Pros: Easy to use, and can be frozen to enhance the effect.

Cons: Seems to only get as cold as the water in which it was soaked. Cold water from the tap only got me  a few minutes of cooling before the bandana got as hot as my neck. It's ridiculously heavy and so far impossible to dry.

Bottom Line: This does not use evaporative cooling and is significantly less effective that our Hurtta cooling coat.

Have you used any sort of cooling gear for your dog?