June Dogtopia Loot Crate Pets Fail

Today our June Loot Pets box from Loot Crate arrived...and I intend to send it right back to them. Apparently they've abandoned the entire concept of a geeky dog subscription box, because this month's theme is 'dogs'. It's full of dog stuff that dogs like....just like every other dog subscription box out there.

I was hoping they'd at least attempt to make up for last month's fail crate. Nope. We received: A pair of matching shirts that say "Dogtopia" and have pictures of dogs on them, some dog treats, a stuffed hot dog toy, and a charm shaped like a fire hydrant. That's right, not one remotely geeky item in the entire box. I emailed them to ask WTF. This is the response I received:

"As with all of our crates we announce themes for the month. This month the theme was DOGTOPIA. There were no extra franchises advertized on this month, stating it was going to be centered around the dogs themselves. Apologies if you didn't connect with the crate this month."

Apparently we were all supposed to catch on that "Dogtopia" meant "regular ordinary dog stuff". Their Facebook post described it as "A dog's favorite franchises". I guess they consider fire hydrants and hot dogs to be franchises? "Dogtopia" is a word they invented specifically for this box, so making a shirt about it is weird and self-referential.  Like, if I wear it and someone asks about it, there's no explanation I can give because it means nothing at all. I suppose I could try to explain about Loot Crate and how this was their theme for June, but I will never find someone who will see my shirt and go "I get that reference!"

 Our first few Loot Pets boxes were amazing and wonderful. Last month's was a major disappointment, and this one is just insulting. Would they do a regular Loot Crate full of NFL merchandise because it's "America's favorite franchise"? I wouldn't have thought so before, but now I'm not actually sure. I liked Loot Crate because they were relentlessly geeky. I don't understand why they decided to change their entire premise and do regular dog boxes instead of geeky dog boxes, but after 'Dogtopia' I am no longer a subscriber.

Treat Tuesday: Loot Pets Chicken Chargers

These Loot Pets Chicken Chargers arrived in our May power-themed Loot Crate. They were easily the best thing in the box. Easily. These are moist, meaty treats that are easy to tear into tiny training treats. They are tasty enough that even Ru eats them, and they don't dry up and become rock hard instantly.

Good For: High-value training treats. Staying moist and tasty for an extended period of time. Picky dogs.

Not Good For: Dogs with chicken allergies.

How Much We Like Them: There were enough in the bag to make it through two different agility classes. If I tear them into fairly large chunks, they work well for tossing because Sisci can easily find them in the grass.

Treat Tuesday: Loot Pets Questrips

The Loot Pets Questrips arrived in our April Pet Loot Crate. They are beefy, moist treats that smell meaty, but not in a bad way. These are easy to tear into small pieces for training treats, and they stay moist for a good long time. From Loot Crate Labs, Questrips are made in the USA out of beef, vegetable glycerin, salt, mixed tocopherols, and rosemary extract.

Good For: High value training treats. Picky dogs. Dogs that don't chew very well. Dogs with poultry or grain allergies, or stupid allergies like sweet potatoes.

Not Good For: Lasting longer than the .1 second it takes to inhale them.

How Much We Like Them: They are even more exciting than the Ziwi Peak dog food I usually use for training.

Treat Tuesday: Turduck'nstein Menacing Meat Treats

March's Loot Pets Versus box from Loot Crate arrived with these semi-moist Turduck'nstein Menacing Meat Treats. They come linked up like natural casing hot dogs, and don't smell horribly offensive. Like most of our Loot Pets treats, these were produced by the Loving Pets company. Brisbane can't have poultry, but Sisci and Ru both thoroughly enjoyed these treats.

Good For: High-value training treats. Dogs without poultry allergies. A nice snack for a really tiny dog. A highly visible treat for throwing during agility practice.

Not Good For: Dogs allergic to poultry. Feeding one at a time.

How Much We Like Them: I had to save a couple for pictures, otherwise they would have been gone in a day or two.

Treat Tuesday: Loot Pets Ruff 'Em Ups

The Ruff 'Em Ups Fruity Protein Puffs for Dogs arrived in our March Versus Loot Pets box by Loot Crate. They were made by Loving Pets and appear to be a special edition of their Puffsters treats. These are made with chicken, so Brisbane couldn't enjoy them. However, Sisci and Ru liked them more than I expected. These are really light, low-calorie treats.

Good For: Fatty-fat dogs. Teaching a dog how to catch treats. Handing to the dogs on my way out the door without getting my hands all gross. Low-value training treats when I don't mind them spending a while crunching up each cookie.

Not Good For: Dogs with poultry allergies. High-value training treats.

How Much We Like Them: Ru liked them a lot more than I expected, maybe because he didn't have to put much effort into eating them since they're so light and airy.

April Loot Pets by Loot Crate: Quest

Our Loot Pets subscriptions box from Loot Crate arrived yesterday, just in time for Brisbane's birthday! The theme this month is "Quest", and there was something in there for everyone! For me, the most exciting thing is that they changed the fit of the dog shirts so Ru can now wear them. So Happy! This is the first month that LootPets boxes also include a matching human shirt. Normally I avoid being all matchy matchy, but Ru exists largely for comedic purposes so the matching shirts work out.

But seriously, when was the last time you saw a scratch and sniff sticker?

As soon as I opened the box, I knew this was going to be a good crate. The box was lined with bacon paper, sealed with a bacon scratch and sniff sticker. I sniffed it. It didn't smell like anything. I scratched it. It smelled like bacon.

There was no Loot Pets Magazine this month. Instead, we were introduced to the products via a sheet of trading cards. These were cool enough to send me into a fit of hand-flapping glee. For a moment I even considered whether I should separate the cards or not, as it might decrease their value years down the line. Then I told my vintage toy collector brain to shut up. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm hoping the cards are a permanent change.

This month's shield-shaped charm features a 20-sided dice. I can't decide whether this one or the Alien vs Predator is my favorite. Maybe Brisbane will wear the D20 charm and Sisci will wear the Alien charm. Maybe they'll only wear them on special occasions. Do dogs have special occasions?

We got a bag of beef jerky Questrips, which is a delightful portmanteau word. If you don't know what a portmanteau word is then I am clearly a bigger nerd than you. These are semi-soft, and made of pretty much just beef, perfect for Brisbane! The card and actual package both say they are from Loot Pet Labs, but I suspect they were made by the Loving Pets company. A quick trip through their treat selections reveals some very familiar snacks, including sweet potato crisps, some puffed chips, bone-shaped chicken jerky, and some chimichanga-shaped dental treats.

This month's toy is a strip of crinkly, squeaky, floppy bacon. It's big, it's stuffingless, and Sisci thinks it's pretty awesome. She's a fan of crinkly toys, unlike the boys. The bacon toy is made by Jakks Pacific, who made the plush cheeseburger we got in our July Pet Gift Box. I guess they make a lot of food-themed toys.

In lieu of Loot Pets Magazine, this month we got a Battlepug graphic novel. In case you can't tell from the picture, this is a novel about a fearless barbarian who rides a horse-sized pug. Yes, really. It's a real graphic novel too, with binding and art and a copyright page and everything. And a burly dude riding a giant pug. I don't know if I'm going to be able to read this with all these tears of mirth streaming from my eyes. A giant pug. I just pick it up and start laughing. Check out more at Battlepug.com because this is actually a thing.

Lastly, we received a pair of matching Adventure Tim shirts that fit perfectly. I wasn't sure which size to order for myself because unisex t-shirts tend to either be too short or too wide, but the XS fits me perfectly. The small dog shirt now fits Ru perfectly, too! All of his previous shirts have been far too wide in the neck and body, as if they were made to fit a pug or a French bulldog. I need to break out the sewing machine and take them in a bit so he can wear them. In the meantime, we have Adventure Time shirts. Not that I'm

Matchy matchy.

particularly a fan of Adventure Time, but I don't dislike it either. I just haven't experienced much because I don't have time to shoehorn another obsessive fandom into my life.

Treat Tuesday: Zom-Bone Survival Treats

These Zom-Bone Survival Treats showed up in our February zombie-themed Loot Pets subscription box. They are firm, chewy chicken jerky. Brisbane can't have them, but Sisci and Ru have enjoyed them so far. These are made specially for Loot Crate by the Loving Pets company, and I'm pretty sure they are a variation on their Natural Value chicken sticks.

Good For: Several minutes of intense chihuahua chewing. High-value training treats, when broken up into smaller chunks.

Not Good For: Dogs with chicken allergies.

How Much We Like Them: I used up the entire bag for training Sisci and Ru while Brisbane was hospitalized for a week.

The Loot Pets March Crate: Versus

Our March Loot Pets crate arrived yesterday, and it has a Mirror Spock dog shirt so my life is basically complete. This month's theme is Versus, and while I was expecting nothing but superhero stuff, I was pleasantly surprised. I think it's fitting that our Versus crate showed up with Brisbane is battling cancer, and he's even got a perfect split-personality good/evil haircut for the occasion.

Briz can't have either of the treats in this crate, but he's limited to very soft canned food right now anyhow. Maybe next month's crate will have something for him. This month's crate brought us some Turduck'nstein Menacing Meat Treats and Ruff 'Em Ups! Fruity Protein Puffs by Loving Pets, makers of the Invasion of the Sweet Potato Crisps and most of our other Loot Crate goodies. These both have poultry in them, so I will have to talk Sisci and Ru into eating them because Briz is allergic.

Sisci is already in love with the Phunny Batman plush. This one comes to us from Kidrobot, makers of all sorts of weird toys. Their plush facehugger from last month's regular Loot Crate almost made me sign up for a crate for myself.

There is a package of Loot Pets Exclusive Captain America collapsible dog bowls that look super convenient. These are packable enough to stick anywhere, and I won't really worry about losing them. They seem sturdy enough, hopefully they hold up nicely.

If that Spock shirt weren't in there, the Alien vs. Predator collar charm would definitely be my favorite thing in this month's crate. I mean, where else would I ever find something like that? It's instantly recognizable, and will have people scratching their heads for years wondering where the hell it came from and who on earth would manufacture it.

The Mirror Mirror dog shirt is so amazing I may actually haul out my sewing machine and alter it so Ru can wear it. I need to do that with all the dog shirts from Loot Crate. I'm guessing the Loot Crate Lab is staffed by owners of pugs and bulldogs and other wide dogs with short backs. Based on the number of pictures of dogs with huge-necked t-shirts sliding down their shoulders, I'm not the only one with a longer, narrower dog.

Treat Tuesday: Night of the Living Chimichangas

These Night of the Living Chimchangas treats arrived in our zombie-themed Loot Pets February subscription box. Of course, they are made of chicken. Although I have two dogs with zero food allergies, neither Sisci nor Ru is as into food as Brisbane. When I give them a chewy treat like this, I can never be sure whether they are going to chomp it down, nibble on it and leave crumbs everywhere, or hide it in the couch cushions. Brisbane, who is allergic to everything, is VERY good at finding crumbs and hidden treats. 

Good For: Taking a light chewer about 10 minutes to polish off. Stuffing inside a Kong. A quick snack for a most dogs.

Not Good For: Long-lasting glorious chew time. Dogs allergic to chicken or wheat.

How Much We Like Them: I finally got Sisci and Ru to eat them all while Brisbane was at the vet for a week. It was a chicken-duck-turkey-egg-corn-barley-sweet-potato extravaganza. Then I cleaned up the crumbs.

Product Review: Weyland-Utani, Building Better Dogs

Sponsored by Weyland-Utani Corp, this collar from Quantum Mechanix is basically one huge in-joke for fans of the Alien films. The collar is made from a light, fast-drying material and is very comfortable. It bears the slogan "Building Better Dogs", a fun take on the fictional company's "Building Better Worlds" slogan. This arrived in our very first Loot Pets crate from Loot Crate, and
may be an exclusive item just for subscribers.

Photo by Erin Koski 

 I love subtle fandom humor. Not everyone needs to get it, and most won't even notice. Once in a while though, someone will happen upon it and really see it for what it is, and it will make their day.

I have a Miskatonic University parking pass sticker on my dashboard, down at the bottom where most of the local colleges require their parking passes to be places. It's subtle, and most people see it as just another parking sticker. However, someone with enough familiarity with the works of H.P. Lovecraft will recognize it as the fictional university mentioned in many of his stories. Hopefully they will get the same sort of gleeful "I GET that!" feeling I do when I see a Black Mesa bumper sticker.

So clearly the Weyland-Utani Corp collar is right up my alley. It bears the brand of a fictional megacorporation with tendrils touching every industry, so of course Wey-Ute would make dog collars. They make everything else, right?

Pros: Light, comfortable, and the dark color doesn't show off the dirt. Adjustable enough to fit everyone but Ru. Is a level of geeky rarely attainable via pet attire.

Cons: The light and comfy material probably won't look this awesome after a lot of heavy duty wear.

Bottom Line: It's so geeky, and so subtle that only other geeks will get it!

What's the geekiest pet item you own?

Loot Pets February: Dead

Our February Loot Pets Crate arrived today, and this month's theme is 'Dead'. Zombies! Zombies everywhere! We got another exclusive collar charm, an actual Walking Dead dog toy, and two bags of treats.

The official licensed Walking Dead decapitated walker head comes to us from The Coop, the same company that brought us last month's Space Invaders leash.

There are two bags of treats this month, unfortunately both chicken-based, The Zom-Bone Survival Treats are a sort of chicken jerky, hopefully Sisci and Ru like them since Brisbane is allergic. The Night of the Living Chimchangas chicken sticks really remind me of the Pedigree Jumbones I used to buy for my cocker spaniel years ago, but with way better ingredients. Both of these goodies come to us from Loving Pets. This is the same company that brought us Invasion of the Sweet Potato Crisps.

This totally rocking Deadpool shirt comes from Fifth Sun, makers of all sorts of officially licensed shirts. Unfortunately it will never sit any of my dogs without some major alteration. All of our Loot Pets shirts have been extremely wide, as if made for a pug or French bulldog. I don't have any short-backed stocky dogs, everyone here has a long back and would look ridiculous wearing one of these midriff shirts. Maybe I'll try ordering a size smaller next time to see if the fit it a little different.

Treat Tuesday: LootPets Galactic Snaps

These Galactic Snaps arrived in our very first Loot Pets box from Loot Crate. They are made from freeze-dried beef liver and nothing else, and that makes them awesome. These are the highest-value treats known to dogdom, and even my picky-eaters will take them in stressful situations. They can be chopped or crumbled into tiny tastes for trick training, and they are ideal for dogs with allergies to anything but beef.

Good For: Training. Picky dogs. Allergy dogs. Nervous dogs. Highly-distracting situations. Chopping into tiny pieces and tossing with less-awesome treats to increase the awesome factor.

Not Good For: Long luxurious chewing sessions, or even quick crunching. They get inhaled.

How Much We Like Them: I had an enormous bag of PureBites freeze dried liver treats on the shelf, and I was still absolutely delighted to see these. So very, very awesome.

Treat Tuesday: LootPets Invasion of the Sweet Potato Crisps

These definitely-not-Briz-safe Sweet Potato Crisps arrived in our Loot Pets Invasion Crate this month. They are made by LovinForg Pets, and look suspiciously like their Puffsters line of treats. Normally I feel pretty grumpy about treats that Brisbane can't have (he's allergic to poultry, eggs, corn, barley, and sweet potatoes) but the art on the front of this package made my day. Look how the actual treats look just like the ones shooting death rays in the picture!

Good For: A crunchy low-calorie snack. Scattering around the house for the dogs to find.

Not Good For: Dogs with allergies to sweet potatoes or rice. (Ingredients: sweet potato, rice flour.) High-value training treats.

How Much We Like Them: Just look at that bag!

LootPets January: Invasion!

We got our second Loot Pets box by Loot Crate, and the theme this month is Invasion! There is so much awesome packed into these subscription boxes, it's difficult to convey. It's clear how much thought has gone into each and every item in the box, and there's something to love about everything. Even stuff Brisbane can't have is wonderful in one way or another.

There is an exclusive X-Files t-shirt designed for Threadless. Yes, those are UFOs abducting people. Ru is going to look smashing in this shirt as soon as it gets warm enough for him to stop wearing sweaters and enormously fluffy coats.

That 6' Space Invaders leash is by A Crowded Coop, a company I was previously unaware of. It turns out they make practically all of the cool geek and pop culture stuff out there, like Ru's Star Trek Collar, the Original Series communicator poo bag dispenser that lives on my purse, and a ton of the awesome stuff found at ThinkGeek.com.

Our last box had some awesome stuff by Quantum Mechanix, and this month we got a Battlestar Galactica disc that's just the right size for Sisci. We've been working on our disc skills, and this is a nice one to toss without worrying about it bonking into something.

The Invasion of the Sweet Potato Crisps are by Loving Pets, they're definitely more like puffed chips and less like dried root vegetables. Normally I would be grumbling about getting sweet potato treats now that I know Brisbane is also allergic to sweet potatoes, but Loot Crate is forgiven because of the illustration on the bag. It features flying alien sweet potato crisps frying people with their laser eyestalks. The crisps themselves are wavy and unlike anything I've seen before. Sisci is willing to eat them, so hopefully they won't go to waste.

The last thing in the box is a silver flying saucer Loot Pets collar charm. These things are wonderfully collectible. Actually the boxes themselves are pretty darned collectible, too. The inside is printed in a matching theme, it's almost like finding a handwritten note from my mom in my lunchbox (Note: My mother never actually wrote me lunchbox notes, and I packed all my own lunches anyway, so this is pure speculation). The boxes are just the right size for storing various odds and ends. Thank you, all you passionate geeks who invented the Loot Crate concept, for these small but significant details that make your subscription boxes extra-special.

LootPets: We Got a New Subscription Box

I had decided we were done with subscription boxes for a while, but then I heard about the Loot Pets box by Loot Crate and lost my mind. I mean look how cool this is! Loot Crate does subscription boxes for geeks and gamers, with fandom-related goodies. For those unaware, I am so geeky that I've read the complete works of H.P. Lovecraft, seen every episode of every iteration of Star Trek, and own the original three Star Wars films on laserdisc. That's right, laserdisc. Clearly the Loot Pets box was made just for us.

The theme this month is Galaxy! We got:

A Hypergalactic T-shirt by Loot Crate Labs, with planets and satellites and snowflakes and a lovely blending of space and winter. I had some trouble picking out the shirt size because Ru is so long and slinky. I love the length of this shirt on him, but it is very wide. I may dust off my sewing machine and sew a dart down the belly to improve the fit.

We also got a Founding Member Collar Charm, for subscribing to the first-ever Loot Crate for pets. It's a gold rocket ship, so much more awesome than the usual bones and hearts.

There's a collar branded Weyland-Yutani, the scary corporation from the Alien films. Instead of the company logo, "Building Better Worlds", the collar says "Building Better Dogs". It's by Quantum Mechanix. This collar will fit both Sisci and Brisbane. This is definitely one of the coolest things in this box, it's so awesome I can't even stand it. I adore subtle fandom fun, this is why I have a Miskatonic University parking pass sticker on my car.

The Firefly Troublemaker Dog Dish is the other super awesome item in our box. It has a non-skid ring on the bottom and is dishwasher, microwave, and oven-safe. It's a nice size, small enough for a big Ru bowl but big enough for Brisbane's dinner most nights. This one's also by Quantum Mechanix, makers of accurate, awesome, and sometimes delightfully subtle film and tv series goodies.

The last thing in here is a bag of Galactic Snaps Dog Treats by Loot Crate Labs. They are made from freeze-dried beef liver and nothing else, so Brisbane gets to have some!

Overall this is basically the best subscription box ever. I guess it's more for me than for them this time, given that there was only one bag of treats and no toys in there, but I'm sure they'll be something squeakable or throwable or chewable in there next month.

What's your favorite geek fandom?