How Not to Write a Dog Product Review

As an avid fan of pretty much all dog gear ever, I thoroughly enjoy reading user reviews. Amazon product reviews are where I first learned that the ComfortFlex harnesses fit well on dogs who need a longer chest strap than is found on the Hurtta Lifeguard or EzyDog QuickFit. While many people post useful information, not everyone seems to understand what makes a good review, and what just makes them look like a stupid customer.

Photo by Erin Koski

"My dog chewed it up."
Is this review for a durable chew toy, like a Kong, Busy Buddy Bone, or Nylabone? Great! I totally want to know that your dog destroyed it in five minutes, which parts your dog was able to remove or obliterate, and what toys actually hold up to your particular power chewer.

Is this review for a supervision-required puzzle toy, harness, leash, or other object that was not intended to be chewed? The fact that your dog destroyed when left unsupervised tells me nothing useful about the product itself, but it does give me a little window of insight into your unrealistic product expectations. Seriously, who actually thinks that a nylon Kong-brand harness is going to be chew-proof?

"My dog wouldn't play with it."
And....?

I want to know that your dog thoroughly enjoys chomping on every rubber toy she's ever laid jowls on, but weirdly avoids this one. I want to know that your dog will fetch absolutely any object you throw except this specific toy. I want to know that you tried slathering it with peanut butter, and your chow-hound still won't go near it. If your dog only likes certain styles/shapes/brands and this one didn't make the cut, I want to know what she does consider play-worthy. Just knowing that your dog didn't like it is less than helpful when I have no idea whether yours is a picky pooch or a toy fanatic.

"I bought the wrong size."
Good for you. How about writing a real review when you've acquired and tried out the correct size?

Ordering errors are only helpful to other potential customers when the cause was something other than user error. If the products run small or large, I would love to know what size your dog measured as, and what size actually fit. Experiences with hard-to-fit breeds are also extremely useful to other customers. That you ignored the sizing chart and can't believe your 80-pound dog is too small for the XXL Ruffwear gear is just a story about you the consumer.

"It smelled bad."
Well how was it supposed to smell? I am forever amazed when people complain that scented products like the JW Megalast Ball and the Starmark Everlasting Treat Ball smell like vanilla when they are specifically advertised as being scented.

Again, this information is potentially useful when it includes more detail. Knowing that you can smell the newly-opened treat ball or Extreme Kong from the next room tells me a lot more than merely reporting that it has a smell. Likewise, I would love to know what you did to eradicate that old-tire smell. I love reading "still stinks after two weeks on the porch" or "smells better after a dozen trips through the dishwasher". Knowing that you returned it because it smelled so bad is still more helpful than just reading that you didn't like the smell.

"It just arrived and I haven't used it yet."
Great! Come back and write a review when you have something to say.

The more a given reviewer has used a product, the better a review they will be able to leave. "It looks like it fits ok" is way less helpful than "it's still going strong after a month" or "it rubbed my dog's hair off after a week". That said, immediate reviews for something that has outperformed other products are always nice. I would love to know that your power chewer destroys black Kongs in five minutes but has been working on her GoughNut for at least ten. If your dog hated the last six harnesses you tried, and didn't hide under the bed when you put on the Planet Dog Cozy Hemp harness, by all means post a review.

Product reviews exist to help other consumers make informed decisions. If we all kept that in mind, review sections would be more informative about the products, and less informative about the reviewers and their unrealistic expectations or inability to read directions.

Product Review: Premier Martingale Collars

Premier Martingale Collars are a type of limited-slip collar that tightens to prevent dogs from backing out and escaping. Premier's plain martingale collar comes in five sizes and twelve different colors. Their Fido Finery line comes in the same five sizes and nine different patterns of ribbon overlay.

Photo by Erin Koski

Despite his magnificently fluffy ears, Brisbane's head is actually smaller than his neck. He is an expert at escaping from flat buckle collars, if it doesn't tighten up he can back right out of it. I put his tags on flat buckle collars because those are safer to leave on him, but I never attach a leash to those unless we're in an extremely low-risk area where I can be certain he won't take off and try to eat skateboarders.

Martingale collars are a great way to securely leash a dog without strangling them like a choke chain. These aren't designed to make pulling on the leash uncomfortable. A properly adjusted martingale collar should be tight enough to not slip off when the loop is pulled shut. A lot of people adjust them so they are snug when the loop is loose and choke the dog when leash pressure is applied. This is unhealthy for the dog, and extremely unsafe when left on an unattended dog. If the collar gets caught on anything, the dog could easily be strangled.

Photo by Erin Koski

Most martingale collars don't have a buckle, which also makes them potentially hazardous for everyday wear. Even if I saw Brisbane get his collar caught on something, I wouldn't be able to get him loose without cutting through the collar. Martingales are especially dangerous for dogs that play with other dogs, it's not difficult for a buddy to get their lower jaw caught in that loop, and separating two panicked dogs is incredibly difficult. Premier also makes a plain martingale collar with a quick release buckle, but I still don't find those safe enough to leave on my dog, they're just easier to get on and off because they don't have to slip over his head.

I love dog stuff, so we have quite a few martingale collars. However, the Premier ones aren't my favorite. The loop in these collars is huge, meaning the collar hangs very loose when it isn't pulled tight. Super-loose martingales bug me, especially when tags make the collar droop.

Pros: Come in a wide variety of sizes, widths, and colors for the fashion-conscious. These keep their color for a very long time, and go through the washing machine easily. Unlike some of the ribbon overlay collars we have tried, the Fido Finery holds up beautifully to neck scratching. Premier products are very sturdy and reliable, and they have little brand tags so you know who made them.

Cons: The big martingale loop on the 1" wide collars is very large, allowing the collar to droop when loose and tempting users to adjust the collar too tight. There is only one ring on these collars, and tags attached to that ring will pull the collar tight. The size large collar is really quite heavy.

Bottom Line: I don't use these martingales for Brisbane on a regular basis. Although they adjust down to his size, that huge loop makes them annoying. The purple collar is a medium, and the loop is just as big as on the large teal collar. I did use them for Josie, and also for Ulysses. They are a great backup for a head halter, prong collar, or harness. We consider Uly a flight risk, and I always use a carabiner to attach his harness to a martingale collar when we leave the house. They may not be a great everyday option for Brisbane, but I find these are extremely valuable for rescue and foster dogs.