How Not to Write a Dog Product Review

As an avid fan of pretty much all dog gear ever, I thoroughly enjoy reading user reviews. Amazon product reviews are where I first learned that the ComfortFlex harnesses fit well on dogs who need a longer chest strap than is found on the Hurtta Lifeguard or EzyDog QuickFit. While many people post useful information, not everyone seems to understand what makes a good review, and what just makes them look like a stupid customer.

Photo by Erin Koski

"My dog chewed it up."
Is this review for a durable chew toy, like a Kong, Busy Buddy Bone, or Nylabone? Great! I totally want to know that your dog destroyed it in five minutes, which parts your dog was able to remove or obliterate, and what toys actually hold up to your particular power chewer.

Is this review for a supervision-required puzzle toy, harness, leash, or other object that was not intended to be chewed? The fact that your dog destroyed when left unsupervised tells me nothing useful about the product itself, but it does give me a little window of insight into your unrealistic product expectations. Seriously, who actually thinks that a nylon Kong-brand harness is going to be chew-proof?

"My dog wouldn't play with it."
And....?

I want to know that your dog thoroughly enjoys chomping on every rubber toy she's ever laid jowls on, but weirdly avoids this one. I want to know that your dog will fetch absolutely any object you throw except this specific toy. I want to know that you tried slathering it with peanut butter, and your chow-hound still won't go near it. If your dog only likes certain styles/shapes/brands and this one didn't make the cut, I want to know what she does consider play-worthy. Just knowing that your dog didn't like it is less than helpful when I have no idea whether yours is a picky pooch or a toy fanatic.

"I bought the wrong size."
Good for you. How about writing a real review when you've acquired and tried out the correct size?

Ordering errors are only helpful to other potential customers when the cause was something other than user error. If the products run small or large, I would love to know what size your dog measured as, and what size actually fit. Experiences with hard-to-fit breeds are also extremely useful to other customers. That you ignored the sizing chart and can't believe your 80-pound dog is too small for the XXL Ruffwear gear is just a story about you the consumer.

"It smelled bad."
Well how was it supposed to smell? I am forever amazed when people complain that scented products like the JW Megalast Ball and the Starmark Everlasting Treat Ball smell like vanilla when they are specifically advertised as being scented.

Again, this information is potentially useful when it includes more detail. Knowing that you can smell the newly-opened treat ball or Extreme Kong from the next room tells me a lot more than merely reporting that it has a smell. Likewise, I would love to know what you did to eradicate that old-tire smell. I love reading "still stinks after two weeks on the porch" or "smells better after a dozen trips through the dishwasher". Knowing that you returned it because it smelled so bad is still more helpful than just reading that you didn't like the smell.

"It just arrived and I haven't used it yet."
Great! Come back and write a review when you have something to say.

The more a given reviewer has used a product, the better a review they will be able to leave. "It looks like it fits ok" is way less helpful than "it's still going strong after a month" or "it rubbed my dog's hair off after a week". That said, immediate reviews for something that has outperformed other products are always nice. I would love to know that your power chewer destroys black Kongs in five minutes but has been working on her GoughNut for at least ten. If your dog hated the last six harnesses you tried, and didn't hide under the bed when you put on the Planet Dog Cozy Hemp harness, by all means post a review.

Product reviews exist to help other consumers make informed decisions. If we all kept that in mind, review sections would be more informative about the products, and less informative about the reviewers and their unrealistic expectations or inability to read directions.

Product Review: Fuloon Car Hammock with Sides

The Fuloon car hammock is a waterproof backseat cover that prevents dogs from falling off the seat into the footwell. It is waterproof, washable, and has sides that protect the car doors.

Bonus chihuahua photobomb. Photo by Erin Koski. 

Fuloon is a company with a rather eclectic range of products. They make car hammocks, remote training collars, automated pet feeders, LED strip lights, and this inflatable back seat mattress for humans. Right now their site is mostly selling stock photos, but their pet products can be found on Amazon.

I previously had a cheap terrycloth backseat hammock that I bought for $20 at Ross, but the waterproof backing on it disintegrated, and it had some serious design flaws.

Photo by Erin Koski

My old car hammock had slots for seatbelts, which supposedly could be closed with velcro. In reality, the velcro immediately got gunked up with fur and beach sand, and basically just let everything through. I needed the hammock for two reasons: keeping the dogs from falling off the back seat, and keeping the sand contained so that I could reasonably carry human passengers in my car without getting them sandy. We go to the beach a lot, usually several times per week. Brisbane likes to play in the water, so I inevitably end up with a wet and sandy dog rolling around in my car. Beach sand is a giant pain in the butt to clean out of the car, so I wanted a seat cover that actually stood a chance of containing it.

I wanted a car hammock with sides. I didn't think this product actually existed, I thought I might actually have to make it myself. I needed a waterproof seat cover with no holes, that could act as a bucket to effectively contain the sand and keep my seats, floors, and doors clean.

I found the Fuloon back seat hammock on Amazon for $30, and it was exactly what I was looking for. Josie loved riding on it, and it kept her from falling off the back seat. One side zips down to allow dogs to get in and out, and it can be zipped up again to protect the doors and to keep sneaky dogs from hiding under it on the floor. There are straps that loop through the handles above the doors to keep the sides up, but the clips on these are really flimsy and I replaced them with carabiners after slamming them in the car doors.

Since I purchased my hammock, Fuloon has released a new one that zips open on both sides as well as down the middle. The new one also has a tether that might help keep the dog in the back seat but definitely isn't going to help in an accident.

Pros: Only car hammock I've found that acts as a bucket to contain messes and keep dirt and sand from filtering onto the seats. Really, truly keeps my seats clean. It's also durable, I've had mine for six months and so far Brisbane's pointy nails and Josie's 60-pounds haven't left a mark on it. It has cleaned up very well after potty accidents and shows zero wear even after six months of constant use. It was also cheaper than almost everything else on the market.

Cons: The clips on the straps that hold the sides up all broke right away. Some of them got shut in the car doors, others just popped. I expected this, as many people reported it in reviews for the product.

Bottom Line: If there is anything else like this out there, I haven't managed to find it yet. This is the only car hammock I've found with sides, and it works incredibly well. After a trip to the beach I can toss Brisbane in there with a couple of towels and know that the sand is going to stay in the hammock. This is not a vehicle safety device, but it does help keep Brisbane from falling off the back seat. It is an incredible value and I would not hesitate to buy another one if this one failed.