Beards are Gross

I love dogs of all sorts, from super tiny toy breeds to giant Great Danes. Though I don't want to take them all home with me, I love working at a doggy daycare and getting to play with so many different kinds of dogs. Despite their various health issues, I love goofy bulldogs and pugs. I love the delicate skin of hairless dogs, even if they feel like petting my grandma. Joyful pit bull types brighten my day, and it's impossible to not adore a sweetie pie golden retriever.

But I must admit, there is a specific aspect of certain dogs that I'm not fond of; I actively dislike dog beards. Whether it's a Bichone Frise, shih tzu, Brussels griffon, Portuguese water dog, or some kind of oodly-doodle-poo, if it has a hairy face it is not my favorite dog. Shave it off, and we can be friends. There's just...no way to keep a beard clean. They soak up water like a sponge, they always smell funky, and they filter crud out of the environment like a barnacle.

Let's be honest here, dogs in general can be kind of gross. They walk around sniffing the world, spending extra time on particularly enticing smells like poo and dead stuff. While Brisbane will happily roll in rotting sea lion, he doesn't usually touch everything he smells. A dog with a couple of inches of face fluff will be collecting a little bit of everywhere his nose has been. Ew.

I spend a lot of time with bearded dogs are work, and can't help but find them disgusting. There is a raw-fed Maltese who always smells like raw meat that is starting to go a bit off because it's been out for too long. Lots and lots of big doodley poodle mixes that take a big drink, soak up half the water bowl, and then stand there dripping for several minutes. The worst is dealing with a stinky beard when I'm washing a dog because the smell is permanent, no amount of soap or scrubbing seems to make a difference. Wirehair beards aren't nearly as bad, but those floofy ones are just nasty.

Short of shaving the whole mess, is there actually a way to keep doggy beards clean? Constant towels, wiping, and shampooing? What exactly is the attraction? Does a damp face mop actually serve any purpose?

Ok, rant over.